Betty White Round-Up Game 6: Playoffs Baby!!!

My god that was an awesome game. Came down to the last inning and we proved that regardless of Yipper's increasingly peculiar mental errors we still prevail. Please see highlights below the jump.

1. Lets give it up for Jorli, Steve, and Mateo. They came through and produced a wonderful baby. I'm not really sure how much of the credit Steve deserves here. He started this entire mess and Jorli is the one who had to see it through. The pictures of Mateo prove that regardless of the father, the kid can still be adorable. Lets hope that holds true for the rest of our male teammates.

2. My personal favorite was Little Yipper. After trying to beat out a grounder and not getting a close call at first, she didn't argue the call. She merely walked back to first and said, "I'm not out". It was all very matter of fact. And it was vintage Little Yipper.

3. Lauren got the winning RBI. Huge. Huge.

4. Al made some very good catches at first. Who knew? Well done.

5. Eric made some fantastic catches in the outfield. All done after completing a half iron man.

6. Devin continued his very strong lead-off performance. He's a machine.

7. Big Yipper. What more is there to say about big Yipper? He makes some tough plays. And then he does some things that make the Gods wonder what is happening. Steve says that it's because the only thing that's important to Yipper on the play is that he looks good. Emma says that its because Yipper is more concerned with his hair than the play. I think that it's becauseYipper forgets what sport he's playing.

At short he inexplicably lets the ball drop in front of him. The tying run scores and the potential go ahead run gets on at first. It's like he thought he was playing tennis and figured you should lay back, take it on a hop, and then kill it.

My solution: whenever there's a play for Yipper we all scream "kickball" to remind him what we're doing.

8. Shawn was hit on by an Aussie. As he was leaving, she pulled him in and asked if he was single. Best part is that she had just introduced us to her boyfriend. Something tells me that if Shawn goes down this road he is going to experience some woman-on-man-on-man action. Remember to take pictures and post it on the blog.

9. There was some sweet man love. Tim and I had a close encounter in the outfield. The play was made and then there was some tender fondling. Even better was the love between Devin and Henry. Lauren says she saw some tongue action. I guess we all see what we want to see.

10. Allyson, despite her headache, still showed up for the game. This was crucial for obvious reasons.

11. Matt made a couple of crucial stops at first and did not inappropriately fondle any females at the bar.

12. Little Wang, toughed out the iron man and still covered the field.

13. Big Yipper scored the winning run.

14. What else is there to say about Ann? She scored a huge run. We'll miss you...

15. Very strong reffing by Roland. He proved once again that he is a prince on and off the court.

15. We made the freakin' playoffs!!! Who would have thought that was going to happen?

16. Remember to sign up for next season. Click here.

Please comment, add, disparage.

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Become a Referee and Find a Sex Partner

I've been hit on twice over the past half week while being a referee. I've become a magnet. And it's pretty awesome. I don't think it has everything to do with me being a referee - I'm sure it also has a lot to do with my stunning good looks, my charisma, and my everyday-people vibe. But, wearing the stripes is a clear indication that I'm in charge, I'm powerful and I'm not to be trifled with.

(However, I am to be truffled with. If you ever want to give me a chocolate truffle wth a champagne middle I will be all too happy to accept.)

I will go into the details of the first pass made at me after the jump. I will then talk about the second time later this week. Just to keep you interested, the second person was a 60-year old man named Bob. I am not making this shit up.

I was hanging out at the bar after the game minding my own business. I was a drinking a beer saying hello to some of the folks I had just reffed. Then as I was about to leave I got into a conversation with a couple of lovelies.

One thing led to another and one of the women said, "so what do I have to do to get into that ref's shirt". BAM!!!

I played it off cool and non-challant and told her the details about becoming a ref but we both knew that she wanted a taste of my matza balls. And who can really blame her. Mine our nice and fluffy with a touch of hair and a musky scent.

As I was telling her about becoming a ref she changed the subject to more interesting things.

So - if she wanted to become a ref, would she have cut off that part of the conversation? I don't believe so. She wanted to take a love ride on the Silvers mobile. Sorry lady - all the tickets have been previously sold to the Emmanator. Get to the back of the line and be patient. I make no promises other than you could possibly have the best 90 seconds of your life. (Please keep in mind that 90 seconds is a personal record and actual love-making experience may be significantly shorter.)

Was the lady hitting on me?
	Damn right! Ethan's a fine, foxy young man
	Not a chance! Get over yourself. It's more likely that the pope converts.
pollcode.com free polls

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Where is Coconut?

I love this video.
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We're Getting Another Hairless Cat

This one is even cuter than the first two. We are very excited to welcome LuLu into our home. We think Moose needs to learn some responsibility and having a younger sybling should help. I put the picture of our new sweetheart after the jump.




Adorable right? If you don't find this creature cute its because you are an un-american nazi-lover. Are you an un-american nazi-lover?

I actually saw this creature first on this site.
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I'm Getting Political

Ok - not really. I just like this link of Barney Frank going off on a woman after she compares Obama and health care reform (supported by Frank) to Hitler and the Nazis. By the way, Barney Frank is a Jew. So she is telling a Jew that he is supporting a program similar to the Nazis. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I know that when you start going down that road you leave yourself open for public ridicule.
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Betty White Round-Up Game 5: Would the Real Betty White Please Stand Up

Quite a game. We had some big hits, some big defensive plays, reasonable refereeing. What else can one ask for in a game of kickball? To everyone's surprise, we were treated to one of the great theatrical events of our time.

Wookie Steve's Comanche indian death scream of "Ethan" from 1st base was truly shocking. Only two other screams compare: William Wallace's "Freedom" scream in Braveheart and the "Adrian" scream at the end of Rocky.

Our lady opponent seemed to be tagging-up from 3rd base; I had the ball and Steve - squarely focused on the game - screamed my name to draw my attention to the runner. And he did it with such unabridged enthusiasm that it stopped our opponent dead in her tracks. The poor thing didn't understand why she was being yelled at by the very large man at first base. Which is understandable considering she was not a base runner - she was the 3rd base coach trotting down the line to take her at-bat.

(To give an understanding of how loud the scream was, Yipper was standing a bit too close to Steve and will require a professionally administered Rinne and Webber exam to learn if the hearing loss is permanent.)

Which of the 3 screams do you think was most impressive?

Greatest Scream
	"Freedom" by William Wallace in Braveheart
	"Adrian" by Rocky in Rocky
	"Ethan" by Steve in Betty White kickball game
pollcode.com free polls

Please see more highlights after the jump.

1. We had a great first inning and scored some key runs to put pressure on the other team.

2. Henry hit a huge 3-run home run.

3. White Dan hit a big 2-run double.

4. Big Yipper, despite a lack of pitching experience, came up big in a big game. And that's why we call him the Big Yipper.

5. Ann once again played big for us getting on base and playing some strong defense.

6. Tim and Devin got us the final 2 outs in a crazy final inning that could have undone us.

7. Shawn has begun to redeem himself with a nice catch at shortstop.

8. Al - our own lesbian attracting Al - got on base

9. Yipper once again went into shutdown mode. In the early innings he nailed someone at the plate and seemed to forget that there was still a game going on. This aspect of Yipper's game is really inexplicable. After Yipper makes a play he stops, pats himself on the back, turns to the camera and poses, he then sells tickets to the gun show, takes a power nap, complains about Steve's picture on the blog, streaks naked through the infield to let the ladies know what they are missing, and then he finally remembers the game is still on and the play is still happening.

It worked out well for us. Yipper woke up just in time to nail the runner at the plate. If he hadn't gone into sleeper mode the runner on 3rd wouldn't have tried to score and Yipper wouldn't have had a chance to get the last out of the inning. Way to lull them to sleep.

10. After the bar, Shawn was a true gentleman and bought a burrito that Ann and I shared. When he told me that he was buying I went back and got one of everything.

11. White Dan nailed a runner. It was awesome. And he played a generally imposing 3rd base limiting opportunities.

12. Quite a play in the middle innings with a pop-up on the infield that nobody wanted to catch. Hard to explain what was going on with Linette, Shawn, and Yipper - it was like the ball was HIV positive and the infielders had open, bloody lesions on their hands. I get it - AIDS is no joke and you shouldn't risk long-term consequences to make an out. Of course, I'm pretty sure that when the ball was tested it came up negative and the infielders' lesions had scabbed over. So risk of infection was quite minimal. Better safe than sorry when it comes to these things.

Any comments? Did I neglect anything?

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Dylan McDermott

Lets be honest, Dylan McDermott is one handsome dude. And I don't mean he's handsome, no big deal. I mean if Emma had a chance to sleep with this guy I would ask if I could join.

Without a doubt if there's one man who is going to turn me gay, it's going to be this guy. If one day you see me walking hand-in-hand with Dylan (I should be so lucky) and ask me what's going on I'll tell you that the most handsome man in the world is packing my fudge and I'm damn proud of it.

Some would say that Matthew McConaughey is better looking than Dylan but that's only because the ladies are druling over his toned, hairless physique. To which I have a few things to say: first of all McConaughey only looks like that because he works out like a beast and maintains a very healthy diet - think about it; second of all hairy chests are awesome, not to mention harry legs, backs, and balls. Maybe we could do without the hairy balls.

Back to Dylan, not only is he a really handsome dude, but he is also really, really cool. He has one of the truly amazing stories which make him one of the coolest guys on the planet.

His parents were 15 and 17 when he was born. This means his dad was having unprotected sex when he was 16. Amazing! I'm 32 and still waiting to have unprotected sex. His Dad made money through hustling pool. How incredible is this? Teen parents who hustled pool and Dylan became famous, wealthy, and successful. Talk about beating the odds.

But it gets more incredible.

When Dylan was 5 his mom was killed by her boyfriends' gun. According to the boyfriend he was cleaning his gun when it went off and just happened to fatally wound her. Look, I don't know shit about guns other than guns are incredibly awesome (I only once shot a gun, an AK47, while in Vietnam and I've never felt more alive) but I'm pretty sure that that is a bullshit story. The dude murdered Dylan's mom because she hid his Safeway brand vodka so he wouldn't drink himself silly before he was supposed to go to his job at the junk yard. Who were the cops investigating the crime scene and took this story on face value? Doesn't sound like they put Dirty Harry on this case.

After his mother's death Dylan was raised by his grandmother in such a poor area that his underwear was stolen. When he was a teenager he worked at his dad's bar, serving drinks and breaking up fights - while in high school. And while working at the bar he became a teen-alcoholic.

This guy should have died 20 years ago on some sort of week-long bender ending in a fatal heroin overdose. Just to review - he was raised by teen-parents who hustled pool until his mother was murdered when Dylan was 5.

Dylan was then raised by his grandmother in a ridiculously poor neighborhood. He worked at his dad's bar as a bouncer breaking up bar fights - while in high school. Oh yeah, he also became an alcoholic while working at his dad's bar.

But I have to be honest, I don't care much for his acting, particularly after he made the movie "The Mistress of Spices" which might have been the 2nd most boring move of all time after "Hot Fuzz". But I have high hopes for "Dark Blue" his new show in which he plays a veteran cop leading a squad of undercover cops. I can only imagine that he is going to be a rough and rugged cop who doesn't play by the rules

Sorry for that long love fest, but seriously, Dylan McDermott deserves it.

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Have Nagila Texas Style

This link was forwarded to me by a good family friend, Niki. It really picks up around the 1:50 mark. Read more!

Kashi's Revenge Part Deux

Emma came home from work today and was as definitive as I've ever heard her, "I am done with Kashi". Apparently, as effective as the cereal has been with me, it has been even more effective with her.

Now, it's one thing for Kashi Go Lean Cereal to fuck with me, but it's entirely different when Kashi starts to fuck with my loved ones. What's next? Is Go Lean going to give Coconut uncontrollable diareah? Is Moose going to contract some sort of Kashi transmitted incurable disease? Kashi Go Lean has started a war and I won't rest until the good folks of 223 West 78th St, Apt 3F have won that war.

I apologize for subjecting you to the same thing once again but this Kashi Go Lean cereal is really too much. And now, after Emma's proclamation, I am stuck with six five and half boxes of cereal. That's over a month's worth of breakfast.

I was counting on the two of us confronting this situation together. As a team we would put aside our fear of public flatulence and finish the Kashi. No such luck.

On a completely and totally unrelated note, I am looking to sell a few boxes of unopened cereal. The cereal is indescribably fantastic and wonderful. It doesn't just taste great but it also ensures extremely regular bowel movements. I am selling each box for $7 or to the highest bidder.

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The 10 Coolest Guys on the Planet

I was hanging out with fellow referees Roland and Matt after Thursday's game and as we were shootin the shit we came up with the idea to list the 10 coolest guys on the planet

10. George Clooney - For making this the most popular haircut of the 90s. How cool do you have to be to get 1/3 of the dude population to run around looking like a douchebag?
9. Me - Livin off the guberment cheese, working his lady friend to the bone, building an online empire through ethanplayspool.com. That's right - I'm cooler than Clooney.
8. Magic Johnson - Cheated on his wife uncountable amount of times, contracted HIV and still didn't get dumped. How did he manage that?
7. Gene Simmons - Jew extraordinaire and rocker extraordinaire and has the best reality show on TV

6. Prime Minister of Italy - Appointed a topless model to his cabinet (NSFW but awesome), hosting a clothing optional party at his home, hiding archaeological ruins at his home, spending time with hookers. The list goes on. The guy has a remarkable record.
5. Stephen Colbert - For this video roasting our former fearless leader, George W, at the White House Correspondent's Dinner
4. Brad Pitt - I make sure to never look at these pictures more than once a year because it would turn me gay. His lifesize blow-up doll helps me get through the other 364 days.
3. Clint Eastwood - According to Wikipedia, he is "an enduring icon of masculinity". Enough said. That's what I want on my tombstone. He's also a critic of disability rights. You have to be once cool hombre to get away with that. I get shit for not doing the dishes.
2. Dylan McDermott - This guy is so cool that I am creating one entire post on him. He is truly unbelievable.
1. This guy - "He once had an awkward moment just to see what it felt like"

Honorable mentions: Chancelor Merkel, Batman, Elvis Costello

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How Come I Never Heard This Song Before

Maybe the best song ever?
Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell. Read more!

Stuff That's Not Cool

I've been inspired by Angela's website which is devoted to lists. It's a lot of fun. I thought a great list would be a list of Stuff That's Not Cool.

1. Seeing women's ass crack. I don't know exactly when it became popular for women to show off their ass cracks. I assume it happened about 5 or 6 years ago when the low rise jeans became fashionable. The low rise jeans are great. The flurry of ass crack that I have to see is not great. It's just a bad look. I love the female form; I hate having to see ass crack. It just reminds me that slightly below the ass crack is where poop comes from. Nasty.

2. The F train. Can anyone tell me why the F train 75% of the time smells like piss? Who thinks that a subway car is a socially acceptable place to urinate? And don't tell me it's the hobos. I call bullshit on that. For the F train to smell that bad every hobo in the 5 boroughs would have to make sure that the train is their personal bathroom.

3. When my cats stare at me. It gives me the heebeejeebees. I feel like they have finally realized that I am not their God, but an impostor, and they are getting ready to exact revenge.

4. Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal. The box should have a federally mandated warning, similar to a cigarette box, alerting you to the highly effective nature of their bran based product.

5. Tourists. It's enough already. They don't understand the culture. They speak with annoyingly ridiculous accents. They lollygag on the sidewalks. They spend money like its water. Go back home. If we wanted Europeans here we wouldn't have kicked the British out in the 1700s. We wouldn't have bought Louisiana from the French. We would have let Russia keep Alaska.

6. Gum. Why would anyone chew gum when they can have a breath mint? Where's the benefit in that? You are going to chew in my ear and annoy me to no end. The flavor lasts for 4 minutes and then your stuck with a piece of silly puddy in your mouth until you can find a place to get rid of it. And then when you do get rid of it, I am forced to watch you spit it out. It's disgusting. Go with the breath mint. It's better for everyone.

7. Humidity. Does anyone like humidity? Yet with all the advancements we have made, we still can't find away to be comfortable while outdoors during the summer. Isn't it about time for the brain wizards at NASA to create something that actually benefits humanity. They've been living off of their Tang creation for way too long.

8. Museums. I think I've covered this one fairly well in the past.


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Betty White Round-Up Game 4: Open Letter to George the Ref

Dear George,

What is it about our team that motivates you to fuck us on every close call? Why on not so close calls do you fuck us again?

Does our team have a giant blinking neon sign on our forehead that says "Please Cum Here"? Does our team have a marquee on our asshole that says "Always Open For George's Pleasure"?

Whatever we did to earn your displeasure I apologize.


As always I'm going to be honest. Our team sucked huge donkey balls last night. We gave away runs and we were unfocused on offense. So, the opponent did not need your assistance on every possible call.

And I know that we are a good looking team that you wouldn't mind taking out on a date and having your way with afterwards. But please use some lube next time. If you give us some advanced notice we can come prepared with an extra-large bottle of high viscosity Astroglide. We just weren't ready for the hard throbbing that you gave to us time after time after time.

The way you were calling it last night it felt like we had been impaled on a wood plank that splintered after insertion. If we could make video with the ass pounding you gave us it would definitely come with a NSF warning.

On the bright side because of you our team perhaps drank more than usual and ended up with some pretty awesome stuff. Lets break it up into three sections: The Hot, The Not Hot and The Nasty

Hot:
Our ladies rode a mechanical bull last night. (No - this is not another reference to George's impressive dedication to regularly pounding our backside. He made the bull look like a kind, gentle lover.) Out of all the hot things that I have seen lately - for anyone who is interested I can forward the links later - this certainly ranks pretty high on the list. We have the pictures to prove it.

Not Hot:
We got into a wonderful conversation about which is preferable: a big penis that wouldn't know what to do if a detailed set of instructions were provided or a small penis that could navigate itself into and out of positions with more agility than Mary Lou Retton. (Which famous gymnast are you? )

This led us down a different path which got the ladies drawing life size versions of a small penis. Apparently, the women on our team need to stop sleeping with men who have rectangular balls and misshapen heads.

(This conversation reminded me of a famous Big Yipper quote: I might not reach the end but I will scratch the shit out of the sides.)

The Ugly:
Some of the men thought it would be a good idea to ride the mechanical bull. We have pictures of this. These pictures are like the becoming gay antidote. There's nothing that would send young men further from gayhood than watching Albert bounce up and down on electronic equipment. After watching Shawn ride the bull my penis actually slinked back into its body and my testicles tried to make a run for it as well.

I don't recall why but Italian Steve uttered the phrase, "nearing insertion". Having the mental image of Steve pervertedly saying this with a wink and a nod has permanently scarred the group.

Misc:
We discussed average sex time. Some of us are going for 45 minutes on average. Seriously? At some point the dude has just got to make it happen.

I am sure I left a ton of stuff out. Please have at it.

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Favorite Quote About Masturbating

"I've been jerking-off so much lately anyday now I'm gonna yank my ass through to the front" Sean Garrity from Rescue Me Read more!

A Deal For Gas

Kashi is having an unbelievable promotion on cereal. For $5 you get 2 boxes of their Go Lean Crunch cereal plus a half gallon of Silk Vanilla soy milk. If it's not clear how amazing this deal is let me explain: I normally get Raisin Bran for around $3.50 a box and a half gallon of soy milk for $4. So for 2 boxes of cereal and milk I normally pay $11.

The Kashi deal saves me $6. In case you are a math dolt, I am saving more than 50% on this deal. Obviously too good to pass up. Best of all is that it's a high protein diet which I need while I am training for my triathlon. (Please note that I am not training for a triathlon.)

But here's the rub. The cereal has been giving me considerable gastrointestinal problems.

This isn't a minor issue. I have been emitting gas like a frickin Chevron station on Memorial day weekend. And while I do enjoy my own brand it is apparently not very pleasant for others.

I was hanging out with Linette at the Beer Garden on Saturday and I had no choice but to let go of a silent one. (You can really only hold onto these things for so long. It's not like a fine wine that gets better over time. Quite the opposite - it's like a boxed wine; you store that stuff for too long and you court disaster. Besides, why should I have to discomfort myself potentially causing great medical damage to my intestines and colon when I could just as easily let the discomfort dissipate.)

Moments later, Linette informed me that someone had farted. At this point I had a crucial decision to make: to take ownership or to not take ownership. I decided to man-up and own the situation. I was really hoping that we could both be adults about this and move on. No such luck. Linette laughed and the moment we rejoined our table of friends - the very same moment we sat down - she let everyone know what had happened. Really? Really!

Can't we all reach a point in our lives where we can just fart in peace without having witch-hunts over who did it. (It's usually like a God damned Salem witch trial with all folks accusing each other of the crime.) I protest against this. It's a natural thing the body does. I happen to do it quite often and with great viscosity. So what? I want to live in a world where I don't get tormented because I take advantage of a good deal. I fear that we are quite far from living in such a world.

Anyways, I have gone back to the well on this deal several times and now have four six boxes of uneaten cereal. We are going to be dealing with this situation for quite a while. And the buying is not yet finished. The deal is steal going on.

I think folks have realized one of the unintended consequences of the Kashi is unimaginable flatulence and have ceased all purchases. All the better for me. The longer this deal goes on, the longer I can save big bucks. Not so great for those around me but I think they'll understand that it is an unavoidable situation.

Special thanks to Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal for this post.
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Pictures From Kickball

Here are pictures the I took from the league's website. They're pretty cool.

End of post.
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The Top 19 Hotest Newscasters in America

BigDaddyCool Steve sent me the following link about the Top 19 Hotest Newscasters in America.

Please take a look. A very interesting and thought provoking article. After reading the article see my comments below the jump.

1. What the fuck kind of sites does Steve visit that this is what he comes up with. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the article. I am just very curious about what Steve has bookmarked on his computer. Something tells me it includes midgets, donkeys, ping-pong balls, bad lighting, and poor acting. I'm also guessing that if you ever borrow Steve's computer you should apply a very solid disinfecting regiment and wear 2 sets of latex gloves. (Steve's junk is so powerful it could very well bleed its way through the first layer.)

2. How did these folks get the top 19? It's obviously not a round number. When has anyone come up with the number 19? Seriously - if you had to guess a number between 1 and 20 you would never chose 19. It might be the most inconspicuous number of all time. In fact, if I was going to rob a store I would dress up as the number 19 because nobody would ever suspect 19 of having done anything of notice. The cop would ask the cashier who robbed the store. "You know, I just didn't get a good luck at the guy. But, I can tell you this - it was a number. And not one of those obvious numbers like 3 or 7 or 10. No, I think it was number 14. Yeah, I'm sure of it; number 14."

Kind of like Ed Norton in "The Score" when he plays the retard. Nobody notices him; nobody suspects him. Number 19 is the retard of all numbers.

3. This one gets me mad. How could they make this list and not include Soledad O'Brien from CNN. She might be a bit older than the rest and maybe a bit outside of her prime but that just means she could teach you things that you never knew existed. Even her name is perfect. Soledad is Spanish for solitude. As in, my life feels like and will always feel like a basket of solitude until our bodies entwine in moments combined with angst and ecstasy.

Man, she is my cup of tea. I could drink her for breakfast, brunch, lunch, and dinner.

Of course I can write point number 3 without consequences because Emma is off at some sort of nurses camp in upstate New York and has no access to the internet. So, I guess this computer will also have to be disinfected.

Was that too much?

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Betty White Round-Up Game 3: Howie is Sexually Attracted to Jorli's Mom

What a game! Definitely wasn't our cleanest or finest outing. But it was fun. Aside from a few miscues we played pretty great. Best of all we have some fun stories from the game and the bar. Please see the highlights after the jump

1. Howie made an unexpected appearance and was as charming as ever. He tried to get in on some Ms. Cook love action, which was sweet and very creepy at the same time. It was all in good fun I suppose, but after a few drinks some good fun can become a questionable decision which can then become a night of intimacy with Howie. Well - I suppose Ms. Cook could do a lot worse. And if she goes down this path, I have no doubt that we can all be expected to provide the love and support that Ms. Cook needs. And if we're lucky, maybe Jorli will get another brother out of it. Of course that means that Mateo will be older than his uncle. Think about it.

2. Allyson did not get into any double plays in the game. And Allyson correctly tagged up. How about that: a newly minted lawyer and it only took her 3.5 months to figure out one of the basic rules of kickball. But in all seriousness congratulations. It is tricky. It took me 2.5 months to train Coconut how to do the same thing.

3. Ann put on quite a performance on the field and at the bat. She is now our superstar sub in case we are short on players. Plus she was a welcome addition to the bar scene.

4. Now it's time for our bone head plays of the day. There are 2 front runners and I'm not sure which was more remarkable:
A) Shawn, who supposedly has opposable thumbs, could not catch 2 balls kicked right at him. It was an extremely impressive display of retardation. The retard doctors that work day and night examining retards from the world over would love to get hold of Shawn who seems capable of living a normal everyday life. But we were wrong. There are some serious chromosomal things going on that should be examined by a team of retard doctors who might be unable to unlock the retard gene.

B) Yipper's play was possibly even more extraordinary in its sheer inexplicableness. And Yipper has done some inexplicable stuff: getting beaned twice in one game for lolly-gagging around the bases and trying to get an out at 2nd when nobody was coming from first. But this might take the cake for Yipper out-Yipping himself. I think Yip goes into "shutdown" mode in which his mental capacity goes into a state of recess. This might be some higher order evolutionary thing which allows him to take rest while maintaining productivity and allows him to make really crap kickball decisions.

5. We had homeruns from Yipper and a grand slam from White Dan. And I think from Henry as well.

6. Albert showed a remarkable ability to kick the ball 15 feet in the air and 10 feet far every time.

7. Has anybody noticed how unbelievably quick Linette is? She gets around the bases faster than Lauren picked up Matt. It is remarkable.

Please add on if I missed anything.


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Kush: Sleep Support For Your Breasts

I learned the most amazing thing on Jimmy Kimmel Live the other night. He mentioned www.kushsupport.com. A site that peddles a product to support breasts while sleeping. The amount I keep learning about women is remarkable.

Who knew that large-breasted people like Yipper would have trouble sleeping because their breasts are too big?

I don't know where I'm going with this post other than women really need to start letting guys know about this stuff. First we find out that you have gonads. Then we find out that your peeing yourselves willy-nilly. And now I learn that you can't sleep because your breasts are too big.

Women - it's time to put it all on the table. Let me help you. If you don't tell me about your gonads, urine issues, and sleep depriving breasts then I can't provide you with the emotional support that I am so capable of providing. And as I have proven with Emma time and again, I am very capable of providing top-notch emotional support.

When she cries I tell her to stop. When she wants to go out I come with her so long as the destination is within 5 blocks and will cost no more than $7 a person or $12 total. I remind her to clean out the litter. The list goes on...but I won't bore you with what a great person I am.

The point is that honesty is the best policy. Except for the peeing thing. That should really have been kept under wraps. No one wants to hear about that.
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Riding the Subway Ride with People You Know

Most often this will be awkward. Occassionally, if it's with people you know well it could be not awkward, but rarely will it be fun. Traveling with folks on a subway is a risky proposition which I do not encourage anyone to do. And I'll explain why.

If you are in a group of more than 2, the geometry of the situation will be difficult at best. There's no good way on a subway to have any parralellism in the seating. Plus, the train goes from noisy to very noisy to god-damn-it-it's-way-too-loud-in-here-I-can't-even-here-myself-think-let-alone-carry-on-a-cconversation. So, you better be prepared for awkward silences. And that's a rough thing with folks who you don't know super well.

Also, don't forget that there is a strong possibility that you are going to be smushed in with these fellow travellers. And that is going to be awkward with people you don't know that well. The last thing you want is a nascent friendship ruined because her boob was accidentally crushed into your arm. Maybe it was worth the few moments to determine if they were nice pair of milky breasts, but all-in-all it could destroy a friendship. Getting to second base accidentally is not a good move.

And then there are the hobos that go around begging for money. If you give a buck you make the folks next to you look like stingy chinky jews for not ponying up. And if you don't give anything you risk looking the same.

I don't recommend subjecting yourself to this regardless of the situation. Emma thought it wise to subject us to this situation this afternoon. I'll let you know how it plays out. Which also means, we're taking a ride there and a ride back - nearly 2 hours. I'm not expecting good things.
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