A Deal For Gas

Kashi is having an unbelievable promotion on cereal. For $5 you get 2 boxes of their Go Lean Crunch cereal plus a half gallon of Silk Vanilla soy milk. If it's not clear how amazing this deal is let me explain: I normally get Raisin Bran for around $3.50 a box and a half gallon of soy milk for $4. So for 2 boxes of cereal and milk I normally pay $11.

The Kashi deal saves me $6. In case you are a math dolt, I am saving more than 50% on this deal. Obviously too good to pass up. Best of all is that it's a high protein diet which I need while I am training for my triathlon. (Please note that I am not training for a triathlon.)

But here's the rub. The cereal has been giving me considerable gastrointestinal problems.

This isn't a minor issue. I have been emitting gas like a frickin Chevron station on Memorial day weekend. And while I do enjoy my own brand it is apparently not very pleasant for others.

I was hanging out with Linette at the Beer Garden on Saturday and I had no choice but to let go of a silent one. (You can really only hold onto these things for so long. It's not like a fine wine that gets better over time. Quite the opposite - it's like a boxed wine; you store that stuff for too long and you court disaster. Besides, why should I have to discomfort myself potentially causing great medical damage to my intestines and colon when I could just as easily let the discomfort dissipate.)

Moments later, Linette informed me that someone had farted. At this point I had a crucial decision to make: to take ownership or to not take ownership. I decided to man-up and own the situation. I was really hoping that we could both be adults about this and move on. No such luck. Linette laughed and the moment we rejoined our table of friends - the very same moment we sat down - she let everyone know what had happened. Really? Really!

Can't we all reach a point in our lives where we can just fart in peace without having witch-hunts over who did it. (It's usually like a God damned Salem witch trial with all folks accusing each other of the crime.) I protest against this. It's a natural thing the body does. I happen to do it quite often and with great viscosity. So what? I want to live in a world where I don't get tormented because I take advantage of a good deal. I fear that we are quite far from living in such a world.

Anyways, I have gone back to the well on this deal several times and now have four six boxes of uneaten cereal. We are going to be dealing with this situation for quite a while. And the buying is not yet finished. The deal is steal going on.

I think folks have realized one of the unintended consequences of the Kashi is unimaginable flatulence and have ceased all purchases. All the better for me. The longer this deal goes on, the longer I can save big bucks. Not so great for those around me but I think they'll understand that it is an unavoidable situation.

Special thanks to Kashi Go Lean Crunch cereal for this post.