Menudo Game 6: End of Season

Well - we had a good run while it lasted. Thanks to everyone on Menudo for being part of a great team. It was a lot of fun hanging out. It was also great to meet Michi, Charolette, and Katie. I hope we all continue to hang out in the future.

The game was probably winnable but we just didn't have enough folks and we were too inconsistent on defense. It looks like the league switched our scores - the second time this season. Maybe if we get lucky they won't notice. Please see highlights below the jump.

1. Yipper saved his worst for last. Yipper stands behind no one in terms of inability to make routine plays. Apparently getting the easy tag out at 3rd is a bit too complicated for this mongaloid. As is catching a routine pop-up. As is paying attention to the game when the ball is kicked directly to him. Thanks for the laughs and frustration Yipper.

2. And Adam stands behind no one in his ability to not get on base. Does Adam think that if he hits popups to the short stop every time that eventually he will get on base? Is this Adam's Rule of probability? Either way, our teammate really enjoys jogging down the first base line and then returning to the bench.

3. What is there to say about Steve. If his hair was on fire and I told him how to put it out he would refuse this help insisting he knows best. If only he had listened to me when we were on defense and the bases were loaded. I told him to move back. He refused. A grand slam later our fate was sealed.

4. As usual I played a stellar, mistake free game.

5. Devin made a great shoe string catch.

6. Despite Steve's refusal to listen he did kick 2 home runs.

7. Shawn texted me 20 minutes after the game started to let me know that he wouldn't be coming. Very timely.

8. Katie was a regular at getting on base.

9. Allyson did well at pitcher.

10. Michi got an out at 2nd.

Aside from Steve's clogged ears, Yipper's mission to foul up the simple, and Adam's focus on popups we played well. I'm hoping we all keep going to the bars and keep hanging out.

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Menudo Game 3: Disaster

For all the crap I have given Yipper about his erratic play at 3rd, it turns out that the devil you know is better than the crap that was played at 3rd base last night.

We had the game wrapped up until 3 consecutive errors at 3rd base allowed the tying and go ahead runs to score costing us the game. Perhaps playing this position is harder than I first thought and I owe Yipper an apology. Yipper looks like a gold glover compared to the nonsense that happened at 3rd on several occasions over several innings amongst several players.

So please see below the jump for my official apology to Yipper.

Yipper - I am sorry that everything I wrote above was bullshit. And you should feel sorry for reading that and being happy that you thought we lost and couldn't win without you.

We played a solid game against a mediocre team. Our first inning was the best when we maxed out and we all played well. Aside from the very strange man who stood on the sidelines with his shoes off, there wasn't too much drama. But here are the highlights:

1. Who was this strange man standing next to us on the sidelines? Why did her refuse to move when I asked him to? Why did he tell me that he was in the Crips? Are the Crips now accepting white gang members? If so, I think I might be interested in joining. I've got the time. I've got the desire. I wonder if my fear of getting hit by crowbars and my allergy to bullets will hinder my candidacy.

Most important question, which I can't believe I didn't ask him: Why did he take his shoes off? Out of the all the oddities that might take the cake. I think we've all been there knowing that shoes off is more comfortable than shoes on. But due to social norms we tend to leave them on. Guess this guy isn't up to date on etiquette.

2. Adena the Jewel of Medina made a fine catch at shortstop.

3. Zeus made a great play in right field getting a line drive on one hop and then making the play at first for an out.

4. Devin did some acrobatics running the bases slipping and sliding. Very amusing for those who saw it.

5. Kohanzadeh lost the ball in the sun at 2nd. Impressive considering we play after sunset.

6. Matt hit a homerun.

7. White Dan beaned a guy trying to score. Hit him on the ass actually. Nice shot.

8. Has Adam gotten on base once this season? How come he is addicted to kicking the pop-ups for easy outs.

9. Linette was a trooper and came out to hang out.

10. Allyson did another solid job at catcher.

11. Did I leave anyone out?

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Menudo Game 2: Acute Pharyngitis

That was our team's most dominant performance ever. We were very clearly motivated by the guest appearances of Jorli, Steve, and our mascot Mateo. Some infants look really weird and alien like. Mateo was not afflicted by this, which is fortunate because I would have had no choice but to say something.

I think what's most important here is that despite my illness which has been diagnosed by a medical professional as acute pharyngitis, I persevered and had one of the great kickball games of all time.

As one who no problem tooting my own horn lets revisit my stats. Four for four with a grand slam that capped off a mercy-rule inning. There are two different and conflicting memories of this historic moment.

The first telling, is not only revisionist but it is incorrect, misguided, erroneous, and deceitful. Apparently one or two folks have said that, with the bases loaded, I kicked the ball off the wall and the opponent for one reason or another in her attempt to field it, knocked the ball out of the field which allowed four runs to score. For those who are spreading this rumor - How Dare You!!!

What really happened is I kicked the ball with the force of an Israeli Mossad agent interrogating a terrorist suspect. The ball went so high that JFK air control reported an unidentified aircraft to the local national guard. The national guard activated its emergency, def-con 7 alert and issued an order to the ball to identify itself and immediately remove itself from the airfield. All the while, I was cruising around the bases. And just as the ball was about to come under fire from surface-to-air missiles, it came back to PS 142.

It was all quite remarkable.

However, this was not the only highlight:

1. After leaving Shawn for dead he came up with a series of very nice plays at second.

2. Katie played her first MLK (Major League Kickball) game since 3rd grade and got on base for the first time.

3. Yipper was even more extraordinary than we have come to expect. And he has set a fairly high bar in regards to inexplicable things he has done. With runners on first and second and two outs, Yipper fielded a grounder. Rather than taking the easy play and tagging the runner out at third, Yipper wildly threw the ball to first letting a couple runs score. He somehow got the ball back and decided that he would throw the ball at the ref. I'm not sure what the ref did to him, but Yipper certainly extracted his revenge. The ref took it right in the gut. This Hong Kong style kickball takes no mercy. We've seen a lot from the Yipper family on the field, but this was perhaps the most unnecessary and most unsubtle violence yet displayed.

And one last thing, Yipper popped up with the bases loaded. Should Yipper's new nickname be "the human rally killer".

(As team captain I think we can see that my most impressive skill is my ability to motivate. I do this by talking up my accomplishments and tearing down others. As grand pappy used to say, "Remember kid, by blowing out others' candles, your candle will burn more brightly.")

4. White Dan did his best to molest me at the bar. I was both uncomfortable and aroused.

5. There were some mighty kicks by Zeus, Steve, and Matt.

6. Lauren gave up no earned runs and would have had a shut-out if not for Yipper's charity.

Please see pictures below provided by our photographer Inuit Steve.

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Menudo Game 1: Zeus the God of Kickball

What a great game! We won 5-1 vs a team full of meat heads. We had some great offensive production and even better focus on the field. Yipper didn't go into shut-down mode once. Most important we had several great new-comers to the team. It was great to meet Michi, Charlotte and Adena. And of course we also welcome to the team, Zeus the God of Kickball.

There were several highlights last night:

1. Zeus the God of Kickball pounded the ball and drove in 4 of our 5 runs. Plus he made an acrobatic, jumping catch at the outfield wall. It was a thing of beauty.

2. Looks like Matt earned himself a nickname. He's not just the "Russian" anymore. He is now Borris the Enforcer. He took out three players at first base. Good for him. Most impressive was the take out of the young lady. Not the most gentlemanly thing to do but he did help her to her feet. At which point Lauren growled, curled her lips and spit, "That's my piece of meat. Go find your own, hussy."

Borris also absolutely crushed the ball kicking it onto the roof. My goodness that was quite a display. He was like a peacock showing his feathers in an effort to attract a mate. Looks there are two viable options.

3. Charlotte, Michi, and Adena got their first career MLK hits. (MLK = Major League Kickball; I'm gonna speak to the commissioner about changing this acronym.) Charlotte got on base twice which is pretty awesome. Adena got on base more than her man friend Adam which she should remind him of when he looks to implement Title 10.

4. Allison is showing quite a bit of improvement. Well done.

5. Lauren held the opponent to 1 run with a brief relief appearance by Adam.

6. Steve got on base setting the table for Zeus. And he made some nice defensive plays when he wasn't arguing with the ref.

7. Devin and I teamed up for the first double play of the season. Unfortunately, we were on the wrong side of it.

8. Devin and I also reeled off 3 wins in a row at Beer Pong. I thought we couldn't lose. But then was distracted by the dance repertoire of Charlotte and Michi.

It's tough to say who contributed the most to the win yesterday. Both Adam and Yipper displayed an amazing ability to pop-up the ball for easy outs. You could see the defense eyes grow wide when they came up knowing that a rally was about to end. I guess an argument could be made for Zeus the Kickball God. Whatever. Stellar defense and driving in 80% of our runs ain't shit. Lets be honest, it all starts at the top. A tone is set, expectations are made and motivation is delivered. Without that Menudo would be lost. So, I'm gonna say that the George Clooney of our team, me, contributed the most. It's the intangibles of kickball, the things impossible to quantify that really led to this victory. And since we're talking about intangibles, things you can't really point to, it's impossible to argue. So don't even try.

The last point I would like to leave us with...Adena got on base more often than Adam. I love it...
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I Broke the Fridge and Freezer Part II

We got a new fridge and its very exciting. Most important, however, is that I learned an extremely valuable lesson. For those who don't remember I broke the last fridge when I defrosted the freezer with a hammer and screw driver. It turns out that method of defrosting is suboptimal and yields a high probability of breaking the unit. Which coincidentally is the most effective way to defrost the freezer.

The valuable lesson that I learned is that breaking stuff in a rental can lead you to getting new and better stuff for free - like getting a newer, bigger, full-sized fridge. This is a great discovery and one which I can't believe has taken me 32 years to learn.

But, to be honest is wasn't totally free. I tipped the fix-it guy $10 to write-up in the report that I didn't break the fridge. OK, OK, OK - to be completely honest I actually told the fix it guy that it was Emma who broke the fridge and then gave him $10 to write the report. He stressed that using a hammer and screw driver on electrical appliances is a poor idea. Point taken. But what do you expect from women! They just aren't as good with these technology things as dudes are. It's not their fault. They're better at washing dishes, ironing, and gossip while dudes are better at useful things.

Another important lesson is to learn these lessons while I'm a renter rather than an owner. So, when I own the fridge I will now know to not treat it like the Himalayas.

To show everyone why I love the new fridge so much I have posted pictures below of the broken fridge and the replacement fridge.

OLD FRIDGE

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NEW FRIDGE

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I Got a Hair Cut Yesterday and it Looks Great

I had no idea that my hair had gotten so unwieldly and that spending $25 and 45 minutes at the hair-cutters could have such a drastic effect.

I'd like to not thank all of my "friends" for not pointing out how rediculous I had begun to look.

The before picture is above and none too flattering. Notice the dorky look. Notice how the nose looks off-kilter and the ears seem just a bit too big. Amazing how a good hair-cut can really center the face.

After the jump you'll see my "after" picture. I think I look better. Be gentle with the comments. I decided to go with a drastically different look. I cut my hair really short. I was worried because I had done this before and it turns out my scalp is a bit pointy. But the hair-cutter managed to hide this somehow. Anyway, take a look and let me know what you think.

Remarkable! I also spent a bit of time at the tanning booth and that might have helped. With my free time I've been working out. I've changed my diet also.

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I Broke the Fridge and Freezer

I thought I was being pretty clever yesterday. Emma sprained her ankle - while crossing the street - so we needed to ice it down. We didn't have any ice in the freezer; except that the freezer badly needed defrosting. So I figured I would kill two birds with one stone and chisel away the ice the surrounded our freezer and use it for Emma's ankle.

Big, big mistake....

I got out the hammer and screw driver and was making great progress. I had gotten enough ice for at least one hour of Emma's ankle therapy. And it was kind of fun. And I felt like a Nordic rock climber. My arms started to get a bit fatigued but a Nordic rock climber wouldn't stop half-way up the mountain and I wouldn't stop until Emma had a full evening's worth of ice and the freezer was fully defrosted.

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. I got to one pretty solid piece of ice on the far left side of the freezer. I hammered the screw-driver in there pretty good but the ice still wouldn't come loose. I hammered it one more time...and that's when the entire operation fell apart.

All of a sudden a hissing sound started to come from the exact place that I had just been chiseling. A line of mist and foul smelling odor were coming right at me. The apartment began to smell hazardous. It took me a good 10 seconds to realize that I could have a situation on my hands. I pulled the fridge from the wall. Unplugged it. Closed the fridge door. About 5 minutes later the hissing stopped. About 45 minutes later the apartment didn't smell anymore.

Apparently I am not the first one to have defrosted their freezer this way. And I am not the first one to have broken their freezer this way. Based on 30 minutes of internet research, the two go hand-in-hand.

Emma and I were worried that the fumes may be toxic. If I am to believe what I read on the internet, the volume of gas is too small to create any long-term health effects. However, various folks had different opinions on whether it is safe to still use the food exposed to the gases.

I'll let Emma give it a try and see how it turns out.

On a separate note, I have a great deal on a slightly used fridge/freezer. There's some wear-and-tear on it but the owners have treated it well. Please let me know if you are interested.

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